Updates on Task 7

Last night really brought in a lot of butterflies. I think I am going to start cataloguing them a bit differently. After reading some thoughtful comments, (thanks John) I think it is important to specify who or what it is I am obsessing about. On each butterfly I will write out the obsessive thought. Here are some common thoughts that consistently clutter up my day:

"I need to eat healthier. I need to stop eating pastries for breakfast. I'm gonna fix this by eating a whole wheat bagel. It will soak up the fat."

"I did not run enough today. I'm not even sore. I should maybe try to go run again."

"Why didn't she text me back? It has been exatly 17 minutes since I texted her. She must hate me now."

"Oh good lord, she hasn't texted me back, it has been 2 hours and 13 minutes and 25 seconds. This is as clear a sign as any: she doesn't like me anymore."

"I should lift."

"Should I have smiled like I did, or should I have maybe flipped my hair a little bit (making sure that it was still laying flat). One may never know. The course of history may be altered now."

As I walk through the tunnels, I spot an acquaintance. She doesn't see me. "Should I wave? Should I smile? Should I whip out my phone and avoid the situation? Oh god, she's coming closer, wave or smile, wave or smile?" I end up settling on what I call the grunt. Classy.

"Should I pray today and then call my dad and tell him that I did?"

"Should I call my dad/mom now?"

"Should I go home and surprise my family tonight? I normally don't go home on this night, they would be happy."

"I'm hungry. I want to eat that pizza but I think I need more greens. Pizza? Salad?"

"I don't think she liked my comment about her cooking. I should have said something else. Something more ambiguous. I hope she's not upset. Could she be upset? I sure hope she's not upset."

"Should I get an expresso drink with milk and pay the consequences later? Should I just get an americano like always? Should I get a coffee? What about those danishes, they look pretty damn good."

"Should I text her again? I don't wanna seem obsessive (hah!)but I also don't wanna seem distant. Maybe the last text I sent was phrased in a way that did not seem to require a response. Maybe I'm boring. I think I'm gonna text her again. I think yea, I think I should. But what if she thinks I'm a loser for texting four times in a row? Oh my god. She thinks I'm a loser!"

"Ugggh. Why did I say that to her. I meant to say, you are important in my life and already a part of it. I don't need to make time for you. Making time is for those that don't matter. You matter more than you know. I should have said that. What if I go back and say that now? Will it make a difference? Fuck. I really should have said that originally."

"Hmm, I should probably call dad back in 3 minutes. Yes, in three minutes I am going to do that."


Now this list, is in no way exhaustive. It is sadly only a small fraction of the thoughts that go through my head.