Task 8

Task 8: Maintain and sustain a positive relationship with my father.

My dad is one of the most important people in my life. I care about him more deeply than I think he even knows. I think the fact that I state this fact as I do is a problem. If anyone should know about how much I care, it's my dad. I know he worries just as much as I do about everyone in his life leaving him. We share a lot of concerns. I am coming to realize that we are strikingly similar. I am bothered and comforted by this. My dad suffers from major depression. He has suffered from this for most of his adult life. There is a lot more to say about this but it is much too difficult to even begin to formulate in words what this means for me, and my family. I am constantly afraid I am going to lose him. He has come so dangerously close to being gone that I ache to even think of those times that were so recently in my present. I want to show him that his world is good. I want to prove to him that the people who love him are not going away. I want him to be certain of this fact. I want him to have faith in me. I have faith in him.

I plan on making this happen by being more available to him than I have ever been before. I am starting by making a point to spend one night a week with him. I never actually talk to him. I just sit in his presence, worried about what he is thinking and if he is happy. Enough is enough! I am going to call him every day. I call my mom close to every day but fail to call him. I also keep in touch with my two younger brothers fairly well. I avoid my dad as much as I can because I worry about disappointing him. This ends today. He has recently resorted to one of the most heartbreaking practices I have encountered. He will call using my mom's cell phone because he knows that I will answer calls from her but often ignore calls from him. He shouldn't have to do that with his own daughter. I am going to be a better daughter for him. Maybe that will be something that helps him realize that he is and has always been enough.