Updates on Task 6

"Faeez, tonight was wonderful. I hope you know that I love you very much."
She says this as she gives me one of her classic lift me off the floor, swing me all the way around hugs.

I write today triumphant! I was a perfect gentle woman all evening. I was civil and courteous to all those around me, I was only mildly sarcastic, and I even talked to boys without my usual leer of disapproval. I think Lee (it was her birthday after all) had a very pleasantly tipsy evening. I believe that I am most surprised by my reaction to events that on previous nights have sent me into a pit of deep darkness. There is a certain someone, let's call her, Person Y who I used to date and who still functions in a very substantial and integral part of my life. We still consider ourselves best friends despite our break up. I no longer hold any sort of romantic feelings for dear Person Y and am finally (and by that i mean FINALLLLY) feeling free of that part of our relationship. The evolution of it has been rocky due to my resistance but I am very glad we are what we are to each other these days. Despite not holding any sort of desire for Person Y, I often misbehave when I encounter her with other people. I get incredibly jealous. Now this jealousy is not of the, "I want you to be with me" variety but more of a "I worry that you will forget me" type. This jealousy also often gets misread and confusion ensues. These sentiments are of course not true. She has told me on multiple occasions that I will never stop mattering to her and that she will never stop loving me and beyond her words, her actions have proven to me that she is not going anywhere. Despite all this evidence to the contrary of my convictions, in social situations I begin to doubt the validity of her words. Last night however, I did not do any such thing. I actually, for once, forgot about being worried about losing her and just had fun.

Results Analysis:

While I am proud of my most excellent behavior last night, I don't know if this is telling of my future endeavors. I fear a relapse. I hope for no such thing!